Wish i had more time to hear my own thoughts
Constantly trying to stay busy to distract me from the ugly things in this world,but you cant escape it,because even if you ignore the faces its sad to see someone else face it. You know many people aren’t built as strong as you, and Ofcourse when i said (you) i meant myself, even i’m not as strong as i seem to be, but i speak what i need to be into existence because i refuse to fall short and let people see my weakness. Yes i am only human, and yes im a woman with a lot of emotions, someone once told me “ you must control your emotions “ and im working on it. It takes time but im still working on it. I’ve seen myself reach limits I thought i’d never reach, i’ve seen things i thought i’d never seen. I work hard and i cant stress this anymore how i cant wait for it all to pay out. Its crazy because i know what i want and i go and get it by any means necessary.
I know im soft, but im rough around the edges, i take a lot of shit from people that wouldnt even take the half of the shit they’ve done to me from me. I watched people slap me with the same hand they opened for me to feed them, turn around and still try to fuck with me. I watch people act like they really down for me, befriend my enemies and think they a friend of me. Lol i keep my guard up 90% of the time because the people that say they love you and down for you be the same ones wanting to see you hurt, because if the love was really real i doubt my father would try to shoot my mother knowing his youngest daughter was in the backseat, but life’s set up differently couldnt end a life that was just getting started lol. I think about that day a lot and most of the times it makes me fucking upset but i cant hate a man that dont know no better, that wasnt raised better, taught better, because if he was he would’ve done better.
Forgave a lot of people that would not have forgiven me for the kind of shit they did to me, and thats crazy because lately its like every time i get up another person come and knock me right back down, but knowing me i REFUSE to stay down. Isolated myself, doubted myself, regain myself, still trying to master myself...figure this whole world out. Im too curious, i want answers to things google cant even give me answers too. Sometimes i think maybe i should intentionally fuck up to see whats the lesson like.
You try to do good they talk, you mess things up they talk. And the libra in me cares what people think(sometimes), but whats better than giving people something good to talk about? Whats better than doing you especially if that makes you happy? Whats better than keeping your mind on whats more important, your sanity? Because truth be told if you sit back, listen and try to please everyone around you, you’d lose yourself.
Strength is knowing that you could forgive not necessarily forget but still show nothing but genuine love. I hate absolutely no one i might hate the actions of some but im a loving person that does nothing but give with a pure heart and try to live life with no worries. It hurts those that want to see you down, knowing that they cant, and it gives them pleasure if you allow what they send your way to get to you. God sees and knows everything, and whats for you no one could take from you. Protect your peace by any means even if it means getting rid of some of the people
Just my thoughts
Happy February guys. Xoxoxo
Always remember to “ Rate yourself enough to understand your value”